Supposed 2nd chances…that are not meant to.

Hello! It’s been a while since I write or update this page, I think it has been 2 years since I posted. I just want to share a short memory that happened during the first month of the year 2022, my birth month. I want to share this for the last time. Leaving it as it is and finally, moving forward and leaving the short but bittersweet memories from this writing. Let me tell it in both English and sometimes, in Filipino, the National Language of the Philippines, where I live at the moment. After this, I want to share the lessons from this one.
A man, from my distant past since my school days, started to communicate through a “My Day” of mine on the social media website, Facebook. It was all about a “Christmas Gift” from our local government which they shared with all the constituents of the city to give back not only because of the essence of Christmas but also because we are still experiencing the after-effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. To cut the long story short, this man started to communicate through and how can we get those gifts. As I am not expecting yet, I replied to him with the steps on how were the process and end the conversation because I thought, nothing follows. As I am not expecting, he chatted again. We started talking and I don’t know what got me, I apologized to him for my previous behavior during our time before because I was still immature during that time. The communication continues as if nothing happened and I am not expecting in return. I greeted him and he greeted me too “Merry Christmas”, Happy New Year” and “Happy Birthday”. As January 2022 came, he was consistent in having conversations with me, and as I keep on replying. He was the one who initiated that we could come together is going to work in the morning by riding morning trips downtown and it continued and there’s this one day, He said he wanted to treat me in lunch after work, and I said yes because its a treat lol and never expecting anything and the way he treated me changed all out of the sudden. He became caring, and thoughtful, showing signs that as a woman, you can feel going “there”. That’s how it started, he courted, and I said yes. We promised and gave assurance to each other and he showed me sweet gestures that got me really without realizing it. But, there was an important thing I told him that was hard for me to tell others, when he knew, he said he accepted me for who I am and nothing was changed because that’s not the reason why he had feelings for me, he said it continued. After hearing, that I felt calm and happy because finally, someone who likes me, accepted me for who am. To cut it out, I said yes and we became a “COUPLE”. I wanted to share it with my family, especially my parents. I don’t want to keep it anymore because I am not a kid and I want to be mature and stand by myself in making decisions in life. When he knew, it seems like, the air changed. He wanted to keep it to himself yet than tell it to them and if I felt, is he not proud or anything. He changed and got cold and even without him telling me, I could feel it. The painful part was, He told me, he wanted to end it just like that. Just because of some things he thought I pressured him or what even it’s not. The painful part was, that I give him to trust with my, YES, to love and be love. Showing some love that I don’t know if it was real. The reason why he stopped, was HE WAS NOT READY YET! HE WANTS TO BE ALONE! Like Hell! and I felt bad because I don’t have any intentions to pressure him. It was still a blank for me the real reason. As a woman who almost fell to his trick, it was really painful because you keep on praying for this “RELATIONSHIP” to work and to last and bullshit happened. He dares to unfriend and unfollow like he was the one whose victim and I don’t know. After months without seeing him, I saw him, I controlled my emotions and let it go but I can sense there was still slight love I think, but it will not be pursued because it will not prosper. Because of this, I don’t the feeling to know and meet new people because I am still scared of this similar situations happening.
For the last time, I would like to say thank you, for that kind of short and bittersweet memory that we had, I felt something for the first time that I didn’t experience before. I felt the caring, acceptance, and kind a bit of love from a man who’s willing to be there every time. If it prospers, I think he was the first man I could introduce properly and be proud to say to people that yes, HE IS MY BOYFRIEND! Sadly, it will never happen. From now on. It’s time to move on!
The lesson from this experience is never to rush things just because of emotions that you feel toward the person there personally. Know them more and deeply and through it, think wisely if that person is truly sincere and deserves the YES and the love you always to have and give back. Don’t pressure yourself just because he/she is personally there for you. Know the real intentions. Lastly, you deserve someone better that can prove their worth and can express deeply what are their real intentions towards you.
This is the last time, I’m gonna share these memories with that man, I will not divulge his identity tho. As I erased all the last memory of him in my phone or my sns. I am hoping that he is doing good despite everything that happened between me and him. You, thank you for the memories and goodbye for the better and the growth.
And for my future self, stand on your own and know your better worth. In the future one, I am excited to meet and be with you whoever you are. Hoping that there is courage, wisdom, acceptance, contentment, love, and forever with you because I don’t want to lose you and be with you forever. I am hopeful and praying, Between us, there will be growth from both our sides and for ourselves and I am here to support you no matter what and give you freedom just that, the trust and loyalty will be there. I am excited about our future. I am excited to spend the rest of my life with you, whether you’re a local from my country or a foreign as long as there is acceptance in your heart. the total package (looks, personality, height 🙂 ) is a BONUS! I am hopeful too that our families will approve of our relationship. Hehehe ang advance ko na!

So that’s it!

Thanks for reading!

This is,

Roby Mahinay!

Until next time!

Space………

Despite of the Coronavirus Pandemic, are we even allowed to have this kind of “Space” even we are at our own homes? Does the “PRIVACY” would still be felt even at home? Are those people whom you consider “Family” and whose with you everyday, need to be reminded regarding those things just because you need to without being disrespectful and hurting their feelings?

These days, the world became out of the sudden faced a “NEW NORMAL” with all the changes because of our world and the people currently battling with the challenges because of the Coronavirus19 since the year 2020 started until the present time. From Coronavirus outbreak to Coronavirus Pandemic, a lot of daily lives and working routines of the people around the world changed, experienced lock downs to avoid the increasing fatality and illness, other people lost their jobs, establishments were closed for how many months. Seven months after the Coronavirus19 was traced and was confirmed, there are still no assurances of when this virus will be gone, unless for the availability of the vaccines and medicines for it. But because of this pandemic, most of the people struggled different anxieties and paranoia that they need to be cure and entertain by close people to help them fight these things and to be okay. Their are scared of what the present time and the future has to offer for them despite of what has happening now for them and for their loved ones. But there are some need their “Space” and “Privacy” to fight these things.

According to the Merriam Dictionary, Space is the distance from other people or things that a person needs in order to remain comfortable. This statement is similar to a person being an introvert. And introvert is one whose personality is characterized by introversion especially a reserved or shy person who enjoys spending time alone. The people must know how to stop and be considerate enough with the person’s feelings.

One of the things that made me sane and a bit still of being a normal human being despite of the happenings now were watching dramas and listening music or songs that were K-Pop, simple chores and more. Without these things maybe I got crazy and depressed thinking negative things and overthinking. Being said above, because of Coronavirus and got back home from my work place in other city for almost five months and counting, currently I myself experienced things that I became cautious and my movements were calculated and monitored by people around me like gaining weight that reached to the point of comparing to other person and that’s a foul and out of boundary. It made me felt somehow bothered and attacked because of those words coming from them that they don’t know the whole story behind it. Although you just need to avoid those shit but there are times that you cannot anymore because you’ve had enough and you need to be alone and keep on thinking the positive side of it but……

Sometimes, we wish that people also notice that we also struggled and not comfortable enough and wish they could easily know the exact and be considerate and cheer you up than putting you down.

But then, I knew and I experienced it many times, it’s really hard to pleased people by just wanting of their support of the things you are doing and the things you want to do in this lifetime.

JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATHE, PRAY AND LET GO A BIG SIGH AND THINK THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY AND BE BACK TO NORMAL……

Greetings!

Mt. Apo covered by clouds

As another year passed by, thankful and grateful that we conquered the challenges and trials with fears, pains and happy memories as we faced in the year 2019, it made us more to be a better yet stronger person. As the year 2020 comes, we thank our God that we are still here to celebrate another life and New Year together with our families and friends. Lets Stand Up! Be brave and dream big for this year. Hoping for all the dreams and wishes will come true. Lastly, believe in God and pray always. Happy New Year!!!!

Colors of life

We see these beautiful rainbows that consists of colors Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and Violet after a rain that water droplets reflects on the rays of the sun. People may see the whole of it but cannot identify where will it ends. In life, rainbows may signifies a lot of values in peoples’ lives, it may be in a beautiful, personal at experienced ways.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton